Raising Emma
by DulceDream
Summary: This is a story of 'what if Regina raised Emma instead of Henry'. The curse was set as planned, but Emma didn't make it to leave through wardrobe in time. Now everyone's cursed and Regina has to figure out what she's going to do with this child. Regina centric.
1. Chapter 1

_If there was one thing Regina was sure, she was going to destroy Snow White's happiness. Her entire world has spun around the most powerful curse of all times, she invested everything in it and no matter the cost it was going to happen. She was finally going to succeed, she was sure of that._

_Of course tiny problem made a dent into her plans that she did not predict and she knew the scum of Rumplestiltskin's fault was that. As she was about to enact the curse, after everything, she found out there was a glitch. There was that tiny problem- it had an undoing. And the undoing was that child Snow White had carried. She could not let this happen and the fact that when she was told the child was coming, earlier than they anticipated to go through with their plans, Regina rejoiced. She knew she could not kill the nasty brat due to Rumplestiltskin's smart spins, but if one thing she was to make sure, it will disappear, permanently, this child will suffer like no other and she will enjoy every ounce of it._

_As soon as her carriage arrived at the castle, she admired her doing, the curse was crawling upon them like a thunder and it was about to take them somewhere horrible, very soon, there was no stopping now. Regina smiled to herself feeling power and satisfaction overcome any doubt she'd ever had. She entered the castle following her guards who had already done their job and she was going for one single purpose now._

_"The child?" she demanded overlooking Charming bleeding on the floor. She was hoping he was dead, but even so, it didn't bother her either way, he's never ever going to be with Snow White again._

_"It's here" the guard announced picking a little bundle from the enchanted tree. Regina grinned. Perfect, just in time._

_"No! You can't do this, give me Emma back!" she heard a scream behind and turned to face her biggest enemy ever. Oh how much she enjoyed this. Perfect sight for her eyes, weak, pale Snow White, about to lose everything._

_"Well, my dear Snow, you should probably thank me now for these last few seconds to say goodbye to your child and husband because you'll never see them again"_

_Snow clutched Charming trying to wake him, crying desperate tears that filled Regina with so much joy and content she wished nearly this moment would last forever._

_"Please, Regina, please, I know there's still some goodness in you, somewhere, don't harm Emma, don't do anything to her, please, let her be, do anything you want to me, but don't harm Emma"_

_"Emma" Regina raised eyebrow. So the brat was a girl, disgusting girl as her mother. "will be taken care of. Do not fret, Snow White, she's going to pay for everything you've done to me"_

_And it was those last seconds that newborn's piercing cry reverberated through the walls, the entire land, as to predict what was about to happen and the last sight Regina got to enjoy was the fear and desperation in Snow's face as she stared at Emma with her eyes filled with tears._

_And then it all went black._

* * *

Regina sat in silence clutching a glass of cider. For some weirdest reason her hand was trembling. She stared at it as some alien subject.

It was everything all she ever wished for. She was an owner and in charge of everyone, she could do as she pleased. She could kill Snow White if she wanted, Mary Margaret actually – Regina grinned at the idea. The lovely prince was in coma without any prospects and the best part of all? No one knew anything, no one knew her, they were all creation of her imagination and the way she manipulated it.

It was satisfying to reminiscence indeed.

There was that tiny problem.

Very tiny.

The child. Child was in her spare room, soundly asleep and Regina couldn't figure out what to do.

In extreme desperation moment she thought of asking Rumplestilskin, but hey, he didn't remember anything at all. A smile spread against Regina's features again before going back to the original problem.

She could of course to have the child for torturing and make sure it has the utmost horrible life to ever have, this would surely give her satisfaction, what if she placed it next to Belle? The child would most definitely go insane. She'd love to put it under sleeping curse but the thing was too small yet.

Most of all she would love just to kill it.

Regina rolled eyes placing her glass on the table, she felt such an anger boiling inside of her. Her entire existence consisted of darkness, no feelings at all, but contempt. Which is what was overcoming everything right now.

How in the world this stupid thing is already putting foot in her perfect plans?

Regina shoved the knife from her apple pie, running blade over her fingers, squeezing just tiny bit of blood. Oh how she loved the sight of red. Red, as bright as apples, as bright as blood. Her smile was more wicked now, she had not calmed one bit, she had to actually physically restrain herself from not going straight to the room and killing that thing.

So she didn't. She walked slowly, still unaccustomed to the electricity, therefore maintaining the darkness in the house, because it actually reflected all she felt inside.

She walked over to the room, barely lit by the sun, unaware of anything unordinary, as if this world has been all this entire city has known, this same sun, same moon. Child was still asleep, undisturbed by it, with no sign of what previously happened.

Regina stood next to the bed, with her knife still in hand and paused for a second. She tilted her head taking everything in for a second.

The child, barely day old, had a tiny mop of blonde hair, no sign of ebony dark as its disgusting mother. Face still void of any distinguishing features, skin fair, smooth. So tiny.

Regina was leaning to look closer as she was suddenly taken aback with eyes fluttering open.

Her face changed into horrified expression expecting something… but definitely not a smile. And, added with a newborn cooing. Little clenched wrists wriggling in the air.

Oh the horror.

Regina stared at the creature as if she's seen a newborn for the first time in her life. Which she did.

She blinked few times, realizing how still her body has became, knife slipping from her hand and thumping on the floor waking her from her trance.

She realized the little girl with her tiny hands was reaching, or pointing at her.

She blinked few times more.

All determination, all anger, all disgust…nothing was there. Regina tried to summon it, focus on Snow White and nothing was happening. It was all changed by baby cooing.

Ever so carefully, Regina extended her hands, picking the little girl, as if trying not to break her. She was so tiny it seemed surreal. As soon as Regina raised her from the bed and stared in front of, she saw girl's hands try reaching for her even harder. With all extreme caution, without any further thought Regina neared her to her chest and the girl placed her head next to Regina's neck, all content.

Regina felt as if electrified. She's never in her life felt filled with so much warmth, ever. Her entire body felt as if shaking accepting this ice breaking feeling. It scared her to core. She immediately removed the girl from her, placing her back on bed, terrified of herself, of what was happening and it scared the child immensely. The child started wailing.

Regina's eyes filled with tears.

What the hell was happening to her? She came here, almost with an intention to killing her and now the mere thought of this child crying in desperation was suffocating her. She didn't like it, it was stronger than her.

"No. Stop" Regina begged. Feeling weak and she hated it. Hated herself, hated entire damn plan, curse, everything but this goddamn child.

She paced from one side of the room to another trying to control her emotions which she was unaware she still had. And it was as if the night when Daniel was killed. Her entire world was spinning again.

And the child cried.

Regina wiped tears immediately running over to bed and picking the girl up, with no hesitation whatsoever placing her next to her chest. Her heart. Her goddamn beating heart.

And the child calmed.

"Well, hi Emma" Regina murmured, her deep voice gone. "I guess now we both need to figure this out?"

* * *

Please let me know if you want me to continue this?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Wow thank you so much for all reviews and encouragements! I hope to live up to some of your expectations and you keep enjoying the story! Please don't hesitate comment and offer your own ideas, critiques, it only inspires me more and I know what you like, I can't promise I will include them but I will try my best if it goes with the story the way I intend it to go.

To answer few questions: Mary Margaret will be here, not yet though, but further down the line she will definitely be part of this and part of some angst.

And yes, Emma is still a savior and she's able to grow up and she's not manipulated in any way or shape by the curse.

Hope this chapter doesn't feel too filler, it's not packed with action but wanted to have Regina getting adjusted with the situation she's in. Please let me know what you think!

I do apologize for any mistakes you will find, as I do not have a beta.

* * *

She tried not to think how the hell she got herself into this situation, but a fact was a fact, that she had no clue how she should go about this or who, the most important question, she could ask this.

Truth is, she had no one, curse eliminated possibly anyone having their own brains, unaltered to help her deal with this situation. She never really had a proper mother, nor had she ever thought about being in a situation like this one.

Regina flipped through the first pages of a parenting book and swore under breath without being able to understand a thing. She reconsidered her decision on refusing to get the "Parenting for Dummies" as no one in their right mind calls The Evil Queen a dummy, much less a stupid book. Well, these ones she opted instead- didn't make it easy. They actually expected her to know everything. Which in fact was the reason she got them in the first place. She threw the gibberish book down on the table with the rest of the books concerning the same subject. She'll have to improvise for now

Next to the table there was entire 10 bags of baby continents inside. She didn't know what to get, so she got everything. Remotely relating "baby" and she got it.

On the table, next to the pile of books there was an unfinished baby formula she tried to follow through the recipe. Thing is, she could admit she knew how to make the most complex apple cheesecakes but had no clue how to even begin with this thing.

Boy she missed her magic.

"Okay" Regina tried to swipe some of the product on her skin, mentally calculating whether this would be the right temperature per book. "Lets try this" she carefully picked sleeping Emma, who started fluttering her eyes and yawning.

"This is food okay? So I need you to eat" Regina spoke loudly, listening to her own voice, then temporarily stopping dead in tracks. She tried to comprehend how this, I'm gonna slit your throat with my sharpest knife changed into lets keep you alive and make you a delicious dinner. She shook her head shooing away her thoughts before she went even more crazy, while mean Emma observed her curiously.

Regina sighed putting the bottle to Emma's lips who instantly started drinking it earnestly. Regina could tell how hungry she was.

Regina grinned, feeling some sort of weird satisfaction she was able to accomplish at least one thing today and Emma grinned back with milk running all over her chin.

Regina actually held back laugh. She took few napkins, now very glad she bought around 20 boxes of them and wiped Emma's chin then letting her finish the rest of the formula.

"Well aren't you just messy one" Regina teased gently. Emma letting out baby coos in response wiggling her hands and touching her legs.

"Okay, step 2, I guess I need to make you presentable" she said to Emma as if Emma understood everything. Emma smiled more.

Regina touched her knitted baby blanket that Emma has not been out of yet and paused for a second. Her features becoming harder. She ran a finger over the embodied Emma's name in purple and then with sudden movement she stripped her off the knitted blanket. She held Emma close to her with one hand then picking the blanket, with an instant decision she threw it straight into the trash bin.

At that instant Emma started wailing, completely out of nowhere.

"Oh shush, what's wrong?" Regina started pacing around, cradling Emma trying to calm her down but Emma wasn't having it. Her face was becoming rosy bright red from all the crying and she really did have some lungs on her.

Regina sighed walking over the bin, took out the blanket, held it over Emma and it finally did the trick. Emma slowly calmed down and ceased her cries turning them into sobbing.

"Okay, I'm not compromising on this, as soon you're properly dressed this goes into the bin. I'm not having you any reminders of those two idiots."

Emma sniffled in response just staring at Regina wide eyed, which kind of gave Regina inner satisfaction. She liked to be in charge of the things, well obviously, knowing her past. So now having a very submissive child, she could establish her rules, mold Emma the way she wanted and have the perfect child. Of course, regardless this little incident with the blanket as she was going to sort it out anyway.

Regina maneuvered taking some of baby clothes she bought and carried Emma over to the tiny bathtub.

Screeching cries, followed by splashing and kicking, followed by puking entire dinner, because apparently you're not supposed to bath babies after they ate, Regina survived the first bath time, Emma was dressed into the only thing closest to something what Regina would have dressed her back in Enchanted Forest. The big fluffy dress, little bit too big – _why they can't make newborn clothes fashionable too?_- tights on and a hat.

It was time to find a solution to this unbearable torture, because she obviously wasn't doing any good.

Regina sighed carrying Emma to the baby stroller, still too afraid to put her in this thing called car, because if it scared her, it must make Emma puke twice more, this morning she seemed terrified. Then off she went to the town.

"Mayor Mills!"

Oh no.

"Oh hello Kathryn" Regina faked an enormous polite smile.

Kathryn gasped, her smile changing into a shock, taking in the stroller Regina was pushing. Regina's face went gloom.

Kathryn peeked inside at the sleeping baby.

"Oh my gosh, she's absolutely precious! Is she your daughter?"

Regina blinked. She realized none of the Storybrooke people will have any recollection of Emma, as she had no intention on even having her part of the curse.

Daughter.

That hit Regina like a pile of bricks. She was carrying for this baby, trying to learn these things, endure being vomited upon, splashed water over, fretted over a cry and now was in a search who could nanny and help her out. Over someone's kid. What the hell was she doing?

"I suppose." Regina murmured unsure.

Kathryn looked at her strangely, trying to figure out what she meant by that. "I suppose dear friend you're not stealing some other people's kids" Kathryn joked, her smile met with an iron killer look of Regina's. Kathryn's smile disappeared. "I was joking."

"She's mine" Regina stated firmly.

"She's beautiful Regina, I didn't know you had a baby" Kathryn leaned closer to sleeping Emma. "Hello there you little beauty"

"Well. I did" Regina bit her lip little too hard.

"What's her name?"

"Emma."

"Oh what a beautiful name, for a beautiful little girl" Kathryn continued to coo to Emma who was smiling back at her.

"It's not. But it will do" Regina replied honestly.

"Excuse me?" Kathryn looked up at her confused.

"Nothing. We need to go, it was lovely seeing you but I have to meet someone"

"Oh sure, give me a call if you want to have a coffee, or need a babysitter sometime" Kathryn smiled.

"Actually" magnificent idea popped in Regina's head. "Do you know anything about kids? Of course you do, you had a little brother" she thought out loud, scanning in her mind through the backstories. "Perfect, why don't you come over tomorrow after noon?"

"Sure" Kathryn stuttered a little bit confused. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Well that's sorted" Regina smiled to herself leaning over the stroller and taking Emma out now who was so happy about any human contact. "My precious little sunshine will have a nanny and your mama will learn all the tricks now!"

Emma giggled in response.

_Mama._ It sounded so completely bizarre and yet so right at the same time, Regina couldn't help but get really scared now. There's no going back now, is there?


	3. Chapter 3

A/N I didn't expect to update so soon, but inspiration hit me like a storm tonight and well, there's one long chapter for you all. Hope you all enjoy and let me know what you think!

* * *

Regina turned over to the other side of the bed, pausing for few seconds. While the cries continued, she tried to retrieve the pillow from under her head and placed it over her head instead. The sound was only little muffled but the cries were so loud she swore her eardrums will pop any second now.

It was 3 am sharp and she had not had a chance to even close her eyes for a second. Emma has been crying non stop and she thoroughly missed when all Emma did was sleep when she was just weeks old.

Now, apparently, with her babies knowledge more expanded in these 6 months she had Emma, she knew exactly what was happening unfortunately- Emma was teething.

"Good gods, will you STOP" Regina screamed back. Her patience could take so much. The kid hasn't given her a chance to sleep for entire week already but it was getting periodically worse. Tonight she didn't even stop. The gum gel applied, followed the instructions with baby paracetamol, 2 calls to the pediatrician. Nope, she couldn't take this any longer. After few tablets of ibuprofen, which were useless, she reserved to just endure the torture. This went on for at least an hour.

"Goddammit." Regina muttered rolling out of the bed, putting on her robe and slippers and walking over to Emma's room where she banished her when the noise started.

Emma was sat inside her cradle, her tiny untamed mop of blonde curls sticking to all sides, eyes closed tight, tears streaming down her face, her mouth open letting out all the screams. All Regina's anger was gone right that moment.

"Oh gods Emma" she let out the suppressed groan, picking up Emma from the cradle. "Come on baby" she tried to rub Emma's belly, but her cries didn't cease at all, Regina tried to rock her, shushing, didn't help either. She resorted to going over the music box and putting Emma's favorite melody, but it was still all vain.

She's not felt as this much useless as since long time ago.

"Okay Emma look" Regina placed Emma in a sitting position on a bigger bed, supported by the pillows so she was sitting alone. The cries increased.

"Emma" Regina said sternly.

Emma blinked her eyes little open interested in a tone she's never heard her mother use on her, but continued crying.

Regina levelled her head to Emma's head height. "Okay look. You know there are times like these when I think, what the hell was I thinking of even keeping the baby? One thing is feeling sorry for you and thinking okay, maybe I won't kill her, I'll spare her life. Another thing is to endure this endless torture I'm sure your…your…" she couldn't even pronounce it out loud "THAT thing put you up to" Emma ceased her cries a little staring at Regina curiously with her teary eyes. "Now you know what the problem is?" Regina was burning to get this all out now. There's so much she can go through and not go crazy. "I came here to have my own happy ending, how? I'm not entirely too sure, except the fact that…THAT thing will get what she deserves, that seemed a pretty good start, and I see what I can do while I continue. You" she pointed to Emma. "Were not part of my plans. At all. Taking care of you? Much less. So going back to the original topic" Emma was only sobbing now but still listening as if this was the most important piece of mind she'll ever get. "This was REALLY not part of the plan. When you vomited on me the first day? I thought this is it. When you insisted on keeping the blanket and scream your head off, I sucked in. The spitting, mess, peeing while being changed, to mention a few, I still endured it. This is the final straw. That's how much I can take it. A week without a sleep? With headaches? I've been TORTURED Emma, when those two idiots captured me, anyway, that's not the point, point is, IT WAS NOT AS BAD AS THIS. OKAY?"

Emma blinked her tears away, her lip quivering not liking her mother's tone at all. "And this would simply put the perfect excuse of…placing you somewhere okay? Like nice, I'm not even going to go evil on you, give you nice life, nice family, whatever okay? And I can go on with my life as I perfectly intended to" Regina thought out loud. She stared right at Emma. Her eyes now deep blue, tint of green, like a sea on sunny, calm day, her entire face developing some uncanny resemblance to Snow White's, except her hair definitely from Shepherd's side. And it pained Regina. It pained Regina so hard she felt her entire chest to constrict into some sort of pain.

It reminded her how she didn't believe she had any heart left, any hope. She didn't think she had any light in her life for a long long time. She made herself believe in absolute darkness, absolute emptiness. Emptiness was better option than feeling anything at all. When she killed her own father, she turned off all emotions, if such switch existed. She refused to acknowledge her actions, her feelings entire time. Every single day she'd wake up from the nightmare of her holding his heart she would stay still for few minutes, recollecting how it wasn't a nightmare at all, how it's not supposed to mean anything, but it does and then she thinks of nothing at all. She thinks of pain, she thinks of Daniel, she thinks of all these times she trusted her mother, she trusted Snow White. Her rage comes back and then there's nothing left there at all. She had no heart, that much she knew, maybe physically no one had ever removed it, but it was surely rotten, burnt, black. Nothing but an empty shell of something that once felt such powerful feelings.

And then she stopped. She stopped having those nightmares, she erased her entire past life and she believed she was okay. She was doing okay. She actually learnt to smile, genuine smile that didn't require of any pain caused. It seemed different, as if some sort of healing process where she made herself believe that nothing before this world, made her own with this curse, ever existed. Everything was supposed to be like it was now and she was okay with that.

And that was it. Regina stopped pacing, walked over Emma, once again lowering herself to Emma's height so she was looking straight into her eyes as Emma did the same.

"And you know? I can't do it" a tear welled up in Regina's eyes. "I thought of this so much times. Because I was scared mainly." She smiled to Emma. "I didn't want any of this, I never made this for this reason, my reasons behind this curse were entirely different and then you show up. I probably did dig myself the biggest hole ever and I know there will be times" she held Emma's chin "like now. That I regret this all. And there's nothing, nothing at all" she held breath not to cry. "I can do anymore" Regina let out of sigh, cries successfully suppressed and proceeded to wipe Emma's teary cheeks gently. "So, please, please, just stop, for one night, give me some rest. Please" she begged.

Emma completely clueless yet drained from all this crying yawned in response. Regina smiled widely. "That's my girl" she took a momentarily decision and took Emma with her, securing her with pillows and having her close by for the rest of the night.

For few peaceful moments when Emma slept, Regina instead of using them for her own rest, watched her. She thought of all this previously that went through her mind and truth is, that was it. The nightmares stopped, she did feel her heart beating occasionally, she even felt content, she even realized what was it to feel a hope. Her life did really feel to have some sort of purpose and there was that light in the darkness she's always had with her. And that entire light was Emma.


End file.
